I've had a few days to settle back into my life after the powerful training I experienced in Shamanic Reiki. Not only have I had to adjust to a new flow of energy after my Master level attunement, but also to let settle all of the new practices that I learned. However, the biggest thing that has needed to settle are the changes to myself. Most of my week at training, we learned the practices by trying them on ourselves, working on our own bullshit. I knew this would be part of it but I'm constantly surprised at how much more energetic gunk there is to clean out of myself!
Tuesday morning, we were allowed to go out and spend an hour in nature, doing what we wished: meditating, journeying, just appreciating. It was our time to commune a little and see what Mother Nature and the Earth had to say to us. I meandered a bit and found a cozy spot under a tree, with a natural dirt berm to lean against. I had no real plan about what I was going to do. I just figured I'd let Reiki flow, enjoy the sun and wind in the leaves, and see what came. What came was a powerful vision and the phrase "allowing fullness." It became my mantra for the rest of the week and continues into my everyday life.
What does "allowing fullness" mean exactly? To me, it means finally letting go of my insecurities about truly believing that I am good enough and worthy enough to get what I wish for, what my heart desires most. I have spent so much time thinking about what I truly want and wishing for it, yet, I never stopped to consider whether I believed I could really have it. When I got right down to it, I didn't believe I could actually have it. So I have been blocking those wishes and that fullness from entering my life by my own disbelief. Definitely a head spinning realization!
I worked with this mantra the entire week and each new exercise helped me to see what I needed to let go of in order to begin actually allowing fullness into my life. By the drive home on Friday, I was exhausted and incredibly unsettled. As things have settled around and in me in the days following, I find that I have a new sense of peace and ability to just let things flow. I have always, always been an over-thinker, over-analyzer, constantly in my head. I have known this about myself for years and have worked to listen more to my heart and intuition. It's not to say that I haven't already come a long way in that but when I'm tired or hit with a new blow, my default has been to turn to my brain and worry, worry, worry. Exhausting, exhausting, exhausting (and also fruitless)!
As I move through this week, it's almost as if a switch has been flicked and I just don't go into my head as much. I simply allow the thoughts and worry to flow through me and I am comfortable with the idea of letting things happen naturally, in their own time, in their own way, just as they should, without my constant pushing and prodding. My worrying has never really changed anything anyway and I finally understand, on a deep level, that I just don't need to go there anymore. By worrying less about what I most desire, I will naturally allow and attract it to me by my deep belief that I deserve that fullness and it will come when the time is right. Such sweet relief!
I am absolutely convinced that energy work like Reiki and these Shamanic practices can make a significant difference in people's lives because I've experienced it myself. I believe my purpose is to help others in this way and it's been a long road to get here. Now that I am here, I will set worry aside and allow the fullness of working with this energy and these practices to guide me on my path. Side bonus: less tension resting in my jaw and fewer tension-related headaches, both long companions of me and my overthinking! :)